


i never thought i'd see the day

by sergeantfuckybarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Internal Monologue, M/M, Monologue, Pining, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Unrequited Love, just to post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 16:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19135381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sergeantfuckybarnes/pseuds/sergeantfuckybarnes
Summary: A short inner monologue of Bucky's thoughts on the Steve incident from Endgame.





	i never thought i'd see the day

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is me i am back with some more sadboi stuff. maybe one day i'll post something happy that actually results in a relationship and not me crying. 
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated :) 
> 
>  
> 
> title inspired by your graduation by modern baseball

_Decades._

I hunted, hurt, and killed people for decades. Years upon years of endless violence. When I first realized what I had done, it hurt so badly. That hurt stayed with me for years, like a dull reminder of the person Hydra had made me. No, not even a person- I felt sub-human, emotionless, soulless.

That dull pain eventually subsided. I had you, I had Sam- I had a family. A support system that reminded me that I was not what Hydra had made me. You reminded me that there was still Bucky Barnes left somewhere inside of the machine that they had created.

The fight was brought to us and we were finally in a comfort zone of sorts- fighting side by side together. Then all of a sudden it went black and the only thing I could think about was "Is Steve okay?". I woke up 5 years in the future and was so relieved to see that you were okay. I think that's when I really figured out that I was living for you as much as I was living for myself.

When you made that decision to choose yourself for once, I was so, so happy for you. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel that dull pain again. I thought we had finally found our places in this new world together. We worked so well for living in a world we didn’t really know. It didn’t matter to me that we didn’t always fit in with the rest-that we were both men out of our time. The only thing that mattered was that we didn’t have to face this world alone.

I knew you made your mind up about what you were going to do the minute you told me that Stark cracked the code for time travel. I had a gut feeling that you might want to go back to get a glimpse of what you could have had- a wife, kids, all that stuff. I guess I had just hoped you would come back and live for your future, and let go of the past. It was naïve of me to think that you would stay when all you had ever dreamed of was right there in front of you, all you had to do was reach for it.

It was the same for me. All I had ever wanted was right there in front of me this entire time. I just reached a little too late.


End file.
